The hidden frequency of strategic conversations
Last week, I had a call with a potential client that morphed into a strange cocktail of a chemistry meeting, rebriefing, and an impromptu brainstorming session. It’s a classic scenario: you’ve got 60 minutes to connect with the other person, figure out what they actually want, and somehow strike the perfect balance of being smart, fun, authentic, and totally sane. Easy sell, right?
Here’s the thing: millions of conversations about potential collaborations derail every minute (okay, maybe not millions, but you get the idea). Why? Because most people are stuck on the wrong frequency. They miss the subtle energy—the underlying vibe of the conversation—and instead focus on surface-level signals that don’t tell the full story.
Exhibit A: How it goes wrong
Think this conversation went pretty well? Think again. Misunderstandings aren’t always loud or obvious—they don’t announce themselves with flashing red lights. Instead, they hide in the subtext: a mismatch in tone, a disconnect in expectations, or a feeling that gets lost in translation.
Exhibit A.2:
When you fail to tune into the conversation’s frequency, you risk missing the deeper needs and intentions. The result? Polite nods, surface-level agreements, and a “no” that arrives later, quietly wrapped in a polite email.
Three things you can stop doing this fiasco from happening.
1. Stop trying to look professional.
I could write a whole book on pseudo-professionalism—because honestly, it’s one of the most nonsensical parts of the business world. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not suggesting you ditch basic social decorum and behave like a raccoon in a trash can. But let’s face it: most “professional” behavior is just a mask.
People stack fancy words and convoluted phrases like they’re playing verbal Jenga. It’s see-through, and worse, it’s counterproductive. Pretending to be professional creates a weird, performative dynamic where nobody says what they really mean. Conversations become hollow, and any chance of real connection goes out the window.
Instead, focus on simplicity and clarity. The smartest people in the room are usually the ones who speak plainly and confidently because they don’t need to prove anything. Be clear about what you know, honest about what you don’t, and let authenticity do the heavy lifting.
2. Stop forcing the conversation.
Don’t force the conversation into the direction you expected. Instead, let it flow naturally to where it’s meant to go. Conversations have their own frequency—a rhythm that emerges when you truly listen. The harder you push to steer it toward your agenda, the more you risk disrupting that energy.
Focus on being present. Let the discussion guide you, responding intuitively to what’s being said and what’s not. When you adapt to the natural flow, you create space for genuine connection and uncover insights you might have missed by sticking rigidly to your plan.
Confidence isn’t about being agreeable; it’s about showing you’ve got something worthwhile to contribute without knowing everything better.
3. Stop your ass-kissing.
Flattery might feel like a safe strategy, but it’s a slippery slope. When you go overboard trying to please or agree with the other person, you dilute your value and authenticity. People can feel when you’re trying too hard to stay on their good side—it’s transparent and, frankly, off-putting.
Instead of nodding along to everything they say, bring your unique perspective to the table. Challenge their assumptions (respectfully), offer insights they might not have considered, and demonstrate your ability to add real value. Confidence isn’t about being agreeable; it’s about showing you’ve got something worthwhile to contribute.
Tune In: The 3 Key Questions
People rarely say exactly what they mean. The real insights lie between the words, in the pauses, the tone, and the underlying energy. To tap into this hidden frequency, focus on three key questions:
1. Listen to what is said—and what isn’t.
Focus not only on the words spoken but also on the silences and subtext. What’s left unsaid often carries as much weight as what’s openly shared.
2. Ask yourself: What needs to be true for their words to make sense?
Consider the organization’s context, challenges, and dynamics. What would have to be in place for their answers and desires to feel logical and actionable? What can you deduct about the culture, the leadership style, the communication - what is acceptable and what isn't?
3. What do their words reveal about them?
Look beyond the surface. What values, priorities, or emotions do their words convey? What’s important to them, and how do they view their role or identity within the conversation?
By tuning into the hidden frequency, you unlock the deeper layers of a conversation—what truly matters, both rationally and emotionally. And here’s the kicker: when you respond to this unspoken energy, your proposals don’t just meet expectations; they resonate deeply, landing exactly where they need to.
Exhibit B: How It Looks When It Works
PS. Yes, tuning into the strategic frequency takes effort. It requires full attention, focus, and a willingness to truly be present. But with practice, you’ll find yourself not just hearing the words but feeling the vibe—the energy behind them.
The best part? When you’re fully tuned in, there’s no room for overacting or pretending to be “super professional.” Real connection wins every time.